(I’ve disabled comments. Apparently, the fun I’ve been having with spam has made this a spam magnet.)
- between 59–60 Chs — St. Tib’s Day
St. Tib’s Day exists only to keep the calendar synchronized with Earth’s rotation around the sun and should be celebrated occasionally and vigorously.
- 5 Chs — Mungday
Celebration of the Apostle Hung Mung. Appropriate activities include thigh-slapping, laughing, ripping off other people’s ideas, and hunting cabbages.
- 50 Chs — Chaoflux
Holyday of the season of Chaos. Convince your friends to change their minds about decisions that they make through out the day.
- 5 Dsc — Mojoday
Celebration of the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo. Use as many obscure Discordian references as possible. Good places for this are parks, buses, and city council meetings.
- 50 Dsc — Discoflux
Holyday of the season of Discord.
- 5 Cfn — Syaday
Celebration of the Apostle Sri Syadasti. This holyday is celebrated by altering your own consciousness in any way that is permissible to your superego.
- 50 Cfn — Confuflux
Holyday of the season of Confusion. Travel in a direction you have never gone before. Travel randomly. Stop and ask for directions to Thuddite Manor.
- 5 Bcy — Zaraday
Celebration of the Apostle Zarathud. Appropriate activities include inappropriate activities. Zaraday should also be celebrated by studying the Pentabarf he has given, and by carving it into a stone tablet. If one so desires, you may insist upon having it planted in the local courthouse’s lawn.
- 50 Bcy — Bureflux
Holyday of the season of Bureaucracy. Have an accountant party. Invite every accountant you know to it, and make all non-accountants dress like accountants and talk constantly using accountant-like nonsense. Instead of business cards, the fake accountants should hand out Pope cards when introducing themselves.
- 5 Afm — Maladay
Celebration of the Apostle Malaclypse The Elder.
- 50 Afm — Afflux
Holyday of the season of The Aftermath. Thank Goddess it’s getting toward the end of the year. Thank Goddess the aftermath of what you did all year isn’t too bad. Well, not as bad as it could have been.
- 8 Chs — Emperor Norton I Day
Commemorating the Life and Memory of His Imperial Majesty Emperor Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, who left us on this day in 3046 YOLD (1880 CE).
- 11 Chs — RAW Day
Remembering the Life and Words of Saint Mordecai the Foul, who left us on this day in 3173 YOLD (2007 CE).
- 17 Chs — Joshmas
Celebrating the Birth of Joshua Abraham Norton on this day in 2981 YOLD (1815 CE).
- 34 Dsc — Omarmas
Celebrating the Birth of Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst on this day in 3104 YOLD (1938 CE).
- 68 Dsc — Mal-2mas
Celebrating the Birth of Malaclypse the Younger on this day in 3107 YOLD (1941 CE).
- 55 Cfn — Mal-2 Day
Remembering the Life and Words of Malaclypse the Younger, who left us on this day in 3166 YOLD (2000 CE).
- 40 Afm — Omar’s Day
Remembering the Life and Work of Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, who left us on this day in 3164 YOLD (1998 CE).
- 27 Chs — Chaosloth
- 27 Dsc — Discosloth
- 27 Cfn — Confusloth
- 27 Bcy — Buresloth
- 27 Afm — Afsloth
Sloth Days are celebrated by not doing anything to celebrate them.
- 73 Chs — Mungeye
- 73 Dsc — Mojeye
- 73 Cfn — Syadeye
- 73 Bcy — Zareye
- 73 Afm — Maleye
Beware the Dreaded Illuminati on Eye Days. Our ancient foes stole Eye Days from us as a time to commit particularly heinous and bloodthirsty acts upon any Discordian they could capture. Make sure your membership paperwork in the AISB is up-to-date and be ready to produce it on demand. In addition, to ensure the readiness of fellow Discordians, pretend to be an inspection agent with the AISB and make surprise checks on their membership paperwork.
- 23 Chs — Chaomas
- 23 Dsc — Discomas
- 23 Cfn — Confumas
- 23 Bcy — Buremas
- 23 Afm — Afmas
I have no idea what these holydays are for, so they will probably end with drunken antics and hallucinogenic fugues.
- 40 Cfn — X-Day
Celebrating the end of the world, annually.
- 10 Chs — Backwards Day, Reformed
Day to do things backwards. Walk backwards, dress backwards, talk
backwards. (Driving backwards on a busy freeway is not recommended. In some jurisdictions, it’s not advisable to wear a back-less dress or thong bikini backwards. But it could be fun.) Doing
or wearing things inside out or upside down also count. Check your favorite recordings for
backwards masking. Pray to sirE. Hate what you love, love what you hate.
- 18 Chs — Pat Pineapple Day
Honor the ECG Mascot (and Ek-sen-trik Discordian Brigadier and Patron Saint) by consuming something with or associated with pineapple. Creativity is encouraged. This is the only day the Order of the Pineapple can be presented.
- 21 Chs — Hug Day
- 46 Afm — Hug Day II
Hug your friends. Hug your loved ones. Confound your enemies by offering them a hug. Hugs are free, hugs are healthy, hugs are good.
- 49 Chs — The Mary Day
Honor The Mary, who is Patron Saint, Illuminated, of Bearers of Erisian Tattoos, and also Keeper of the Holy Chao Belly (rub it for good luck—with permission, of course). This is a good day to do something for a Mary, do something Merry, or even to Marry someone. (If you are merry about marrying a Mary, you earn extra points.)
- 51 Chs — Pet Loving Day
A day to love your pet, or someone else’s.
- 11 Dsc — Love Your Neighbour Day (Neighbour Day)
Do you love Jesus? Would you like to love your neighbour? Then this is the holiday for you! Tell your Fundamentalist Christian neighbours that the tradition-breaking, authority-challenging, logic-twisting, wise-cracking, trouble-making Jesus of Nazareth was really a proto-Discordian. Then ask them if they want to love you back. Be prepared to run.
- 19 Dsc — St. John the Blasphemist Day (Blasphemist Day)
Commit blasphemy against Goddess Discordia! Write your representatives and demand they outlaw “funny religions;” send one hour’s salary to the most Aneristic organization you can think of; or eat a bun with a hot dog made out of the Sacred Chao. On second thought, recognizing a holyday wouldn’t be blasphemist. So instead of actually celebrating it, call in sick to work or school, then spend all day sleeping, going fishing or having sex.
- 26 Cfn — Imaginary Friend Day (Captain Tuttle Day)
Recognize and credit your imaginary friend, whom you blame for everything on all the other days of the year. Or help someone anonymously, but in a way they’d never expect. (“Captain Tuttle” was the made-up buddy of Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce and “Trapper” John McIntire on the TV show “M*A*S*H.” They used the mythical captain’s identity to get supplies and funds from the U.S. Military which were then sent to help an orphanage.)
- 33 Bcy — Cat Dancing Day (Foot Fetish Day, Pussyfoot Day)
Dance with a Cat, dance like a Cat, dance with somebody who has a Cat, or just do something having to do with Cats and/or Dancing (you are allowed to be creative in what you consider to be a “cat” and “dancing”). Or do something having to do with Feet—after all, cats have feet, and feet dance.
- 37 Bcy — Mass of Planet Eris (Eristotle)
Even the scientific bureaucracy recognized our Goddess (and the Mythic Prophet Eristotle) by naming Planet X “Eris” on this date in 3172. As of this writing, they’re calling this world a dwarf planet, but we don’t mind. So celebrate our planet’s mass!
- 59 Bcy — Gonkulator Day
A time to recognize impressive and sophisticated-seeming devices that are completely useless. See how many you can find in your home or office. See how many you can sell for a large profit to those who don’t know what day this is. Those who work for major computer corporations should find this an easy holiday to celebrate. (This holiday was inspired by an episode of Hogan’s Heroes that first aired on this date. The prisoners of war convinced members of the enemy’s Military Bureaucracy that a prisoner-made rabbit trap was actually some highly important device known as a “gonculator.” The scheme worked because no one in the military establishment was willing to admit they didn’t have the foggiest idea what the prisoners were talking about.)
- 66 Bcy — Habeas Corpus Remembrance Day (H.C.R. Day)
Celebrated in honor of the death of Eristotle on this date in 1782 CE, and Emperor Norton I declaring the United States dissolved on this date in 1859 CE (3025 YOLD).
Fraud and corruption prevent a fair and proper expression of the public voice; that open violation of the laws are constantly occurring, caused by mobs, parties, factions and undue influence of political sects; that the citizen has not that protection of person and property which he is entitled.
- 28 Afm — Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild Day (E.C.G. Day)
This is the anniversary of the founding of Chapter One of the ECG, which was officially recognized and approved by a California college Student Government Association on Setting Orange, 28 Aftermath 3147. Within a year after its official recognition, it was honored as Most Active New Club. Within that same year, both the Founding President and Co-Founding Vice President created so much chaos and discord at the college they were threatened with formal charges. Honor the ECG.
- 37 Afm — 537 Day
This is the 5th season, 37th day. Contemplate the number 537, Holy Number of Discordian Ek-sen-triks and Official Number of the ECG (who celebrate it using the Gregorian calendar on the 5th month, 37th day). Consult your pineal gland to try to discover the number’s true meaning.
- 72 Chs — Daytime
Back in the old days, the world was on many conflicting systems of keeping time. While three-quarters time might prevail in one area, elsewhere it was spare time or springtime or due time or ragtime.
So on March 13th of 1884 a bunch of pundits from all over the world met in Washington, DC, and decided everyone should employ Standard Time (used by Standard Oil of New Jersey), based on Greenwich Mean Time (the time I was using in the meantime in Greenwich Village).
Far from perfect, this solution allows it to be one time in London at the exact moment it is some other time entirely in New York or San Francisco or Moscow.
So, on March 13th, we Discordians protest this confusing state of affairs by telling anyone who asks, any time, that it is 5 o’clock—because, somewhere, it is. If they check with another source or, say, note that the sun is directly overhead, we explain we only said that it was 5 o’clock because it is Daytime.
Discordian Eternal Time solves the whole problem of confusion about time by making it, in fact, 5 o’clock everywhere, always. But, unfortunately, most societies would rather do things the complicated way.
- 43 Dsc — Ordination Day
Upon completing 52 years and 11 days of studying the universe, Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst (under his alias of Kerry Wendell Thornley) became an ordained Minister of the Universal Life Church—on 43 Discord 3156.
A subtle Buddhist teaching that nobody without the Buddha Mind understands is that when the Buddha was enlightened, the whole universe—with all its sentient beings, inanimate objects and blunt instruments—attained Satori with him.
On 43 Discord 3156 the entire cosmos—people, stars, space rubbish and all—became an ordained minister and so anyone or anything is now legally qualified in most states to get drunk at weddings and giggle at funerals, spit holy water, christen puppies and preach salvation by fire and brimstone.
Only an ordained minister, however, can see how this is possible.
So, on Universal Ordination Day we commemorate the Ordination of the Universe by passing out as many Authorized and Authentic All-Purpose Discordian Society Ordination Certificates as possible.
Some of the dates have been changed due to collisions with other holydays. These holydays may have started earlier, but they’re a bit late to this game.
- 33 Chs — Renew Old Acquaintances Day (Old-Ack Day)
Celebrate this day by sending greeting cards to old acquaintances you haven’t been in touch with lately.
- 36 Chs — Dadanova Day
Dadanova is the famous Discordian art movement. The day is celebrated by creating and sharing art.
- 54 Chs — Didyma’s Day
This holiday is in memory of the Dogon–Greek oracle who read for Eris. Appropriate ceremonies are those which forecast the future or demystify the present. The following poem by Didyma Thelema’s lover, Asklepiades, is usually read aloud:
Didyma plunders me with her beauty.
When I look at her I am wax over fire.
If she’s black, what of it? So are coals.
When kindled, they glow like blooming roses.
- 22 Dsc — Be Kind To Tourists Day
Celebrate this day with random acts of kindness to tourists. Those who find this difficult can go some place out of town and pretend to be tourists.
- 32 Dsc — Break Day
Give yourselves a well deserved break.
- 62 Dsc — Tree Day
Celebrate this day by planting a tree, thinking of five apple trees, or thinking of one apple tree five times.
- 70 Dsc — Buddha’s Birthday
Although the evidence that Buddha was a Discordian is circumstantial and anecdotal, Discordians celebrate Buddha’s birthday by saying “Happy Birthday, Bud.” Discordians who are especially devout read aloud from Discordian Zen Buddhist texts such as Zen Without Zen Masters, A Handful of Zen, and Riding Buddha’s Bicycle.
- 60 Dsc — Creation Day
The anniversary of the Erisian creation of all chaos. Celebrate this day by chanting the Discordian Taoist truth: “Creation and creator are one; there is no creator separate from creation.”
- 29 Cnf — Unknown Saints Day
Since all Discordians are considered saints according to the holy writings of Omar and Malaclypse, this day honors all the Discordians whose names are unknown.
- 58 Cnf — Jack Slack’s Day
Jack Slack is honored this day for his work in guru liberation, liberating gurus from their mistaken beliefs that they are channels for liberation.
- 22 Bcy — St. Scrivener’s Day
On this day, Discordian writers are honored by other Discordians who read aloud from published works.
- 29 Bcy — Eris’s Birthday
Discordians celebrate Eris’s birthday on this date because no one is certain what the correct day is. Greek food and golden apples are usually served.
- 61 Chs — Pentaweek
Celebrating pentagons, pentagrams, and other pentilaterals. The law of the five-day celebration is never wrong.
- 65 Chs — Pentasaura
The holyday that started Pentaweek by ending Pentaweek is being ret-conned as so ancient that it qualifies for the dinosaur naming conventions.
- 65 Dsc — Squareshin
Celebrating squares and other quadrilaterals.
- 64 Cfn — Haltrieen
The night before All Triangle’s Day, marked by intoxication and trying to cut things into right-angled triangles.
- 65 Cfn — All Triangle’s Day
Celebrating triangles, geometry’s most beautiful shape.
- between Cfn–Afm — Mass of the Bilateral
If I were to suggest that between Confusion and The Aftermath there is a two-sided holyday existing within the calendar, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the holyday is too brief to be revealed even by our most accurate timers. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a holyday were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sweetmorn, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.
- 65 Afm — Circlemas
Celebrating circles, geometry’s most boring shape. On this day circles are pondered, noticed, and appreciated. Celebrants of Circlemas may decorate themselves, their households, or other things with circles and circular patterns, and partake only of circular foods.
- 1 Chs — New Year’s Day
Not really a holyday so much as a calendrical event marked by a hangover.
- 3 Chs — Festival of Sleep Day
Sleep is important. Get some.
- 16 Chs — Nothing Day
This day is a non-event. Please do not celebrate, observe, or honor anything.
- 25 Chs — A Room of One’s Own Day (Room Day)
Marks the birthday of the English author Virginia Woolf in 3048 YOLD (1882 CE), who wrote A Room of One’s Own. On this day we celebrate, and appreciate, having our own private places. In your own room, you can decorate it however you want and can read, sew, pray, paint, or watch TV — whatever makes you happy or brings you peace. As the popular actress Greta Garbo stated, “I vant to be alone.”
- 28 Chs, 33 Cfn — Tau Day
A numerical calendrical event (6.28). Placed at 28 Chaos because (6 mod 5) is 1. Observed on 33 Confusion because a different calendrical system established it first. For more information, see The Tau Manifesto.
- 29 Chs — Puzzle Day
- 31 Chs — Backward Day
Do everything backwards, up-side-down, or in reverse. Not to be confused with Opposite Day.
- 43 Chs — Darwin Day
The birthday of Charles Darwin. A day often used to remind people that they behave too much like monkeys.
- 45 Chs — Valenton’s Day
Valentine’s Day was once Februa.
Februa, also Februatio, was the Roman festival of ritual purification, later incorporated into Lupercalia. The festival, which is basically one of Spring washing or cleaning (associated also with the raininess of this time of year) is old, and possibly of Sabine origin.
The Roman month Februarius is named for the Februa/Februatio festival. A later Roman god Februus personified both the month and also purification, and is named for them.
Some sources connect the Latin word for fever (febris) with the same idea of purification or purging, due to the sweating commonly seen in association with fevers.
Then it became Lupercalia.
Plutarch described Lupercalia:
Lupercalia, of which many write that it was anciently celebrated by shepherds, and has also some connection with the Arcadian Lycaea. At this time many of the noble youths and of the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy.
The Lupercalia festival was partly in honor of Lupa, the she-wolf who suckled the infant orphans, Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, explaining the name of the festival, Lupercalia, or “Wolf Festival.”
By the 5th century, when the public performance of pagan rites had been outlawed, a nominally Christian Roman populace still clung to the Lupercalia in the time of Gelasius (494–96). It had been literally degraded since the 1st century, when in 44 BC the consul Mark Antony did not scruple to run with the Luperci; now the upper classes left the festivities to the rabble. Whatever the fortunes of the rites in the meantime, in the last decade of the 5th century they prompted Pope Gelasius I’s taunt to the senators who were intent on preserving them: “If you assert that this rite has salutary force, celebrate it yourselves in the ancestral fashion; run nude yourselves that you may properly carry out the mockery.” The remark was addressed to the senator Andromachus by Gelasius in an extended literary epistle that was virtually a diatribe against the Lupercalia. Gelasius finally abolished the Lupercalia after a long dispute.
Then Pope Gelasius I declared it Saint Valentine’s Day.
Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni. Valentine of Rome was a priest in Rome who was martyred about AD 269 and was buried on the Via Flaminia.
Valentine of Terni became bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) about AD 197 and is said to have been martyred during the persecution under Emperor Aurelian. He is also buried on the Via Flaminia, but in a different location than Valentine of Rome.
The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.
In the 1969 revision of the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints, the feast day of Saint Valentine on February 14 was removed from the General Roman Calendar and relegated to particular (local or even national) calendars for the following reason: “Though the memorial of Saint Valentine is ancient, it is left to particular calendars, since, apart from his name, nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14.”
An ancient holyday invented by rain.
A holyday originally celebrating the need, the need for clean.
A holyday since dedicated to fertility, nudity, and man-suckling wolves.
A holyday not born of fever, rather fever was born of it.
A holyday so awesome, a god was created from it.
A holyday so fabulous, it survived being outlawed.
A holyday so stimulating, it made the Pope dare senators to go naked.
A holyday named after three saints, of which nothing is known.
Truly, this is the Best. Holyday. Ever.
Don’t let them commercialize the Valenton!
- 46 Chs — Springfield Day
A day to reflect upon the Springfield Effect. Some say that every Springfield Day is actually the same day since they are so closely connected hyper-temporally.
The Springfield Effect is the name given to an alleged phenomenon by which every place named Springfield is supposedly hard-linked in hyperspace to every other place of this name, according to some Discordians, subGenii, and other surrealistically inclined mystics. This is given as an explanation for the reason why there are more cities in the United States by that name than any other – including some cases where more than one exists in a single state – and why they all allegedly look the same.
- 48 Chs — Random Acts of Kindness Day (R.A.K. Day)
Do something kind to a friend or stranger for no reason at all (other than it being R.A.K. Day).
- 67 Chs — International Working Women’s Day
Currently celebrating women’s economic, political, and social achievements; and still celebrating the liberation of working women from oppression.
But you cannot draw the masses into politics without drawing in the women as well. For under capitalism the female half of the human race is doubly oppressed. The working woman and the peasant woman are oppressed by capital, but over and above that, even in the most democratic of the bourgeois republics, they remain, firstly, deprived of some rights because the law does not give them equality with men; and secondly—and this is the main thing—they remain in household bondage, they continue to be “household slaves”, for they are overburdened with the drudgery of the most squalid, backbreaking and stultifying toil in the kitchen and the family household.
—N. Lenin, 1921
- 70 Chs — Tools Day
Celebrating the use of tools. Use them, make them, give them as gifts. A person can do anything with the right tool.
- 1 Dsc — Everything You Think is Wrong Day
In celebration of everything incorrect. A perfect day to challenge a long-held belief.
- one of 8–42 Dsc — Erister
A good day to hunt eggs.
An Erister egg is a plastic egg into which something unexpected, particularly an odd or surprising message, is placed. It is then hidden to be found by egg hunters. The egg finders usually don’t know they’re participating, even if they know they’re participating.
Erister happens on the same day as Easter. Expect the date to vary in a manner highly inappropriate to a holyday of Discordia.
- 13 Dsc — Discardia
Let go of everything that doesn’t make your life awesome!
It’s a holiday with deep roots touching unconsumption, the slow movement, downshifting, and voluntary simplicity. Unlike many holidays, it doesn’t involve obligations or expense or overblown expectations of specialness. It does not require us to interact with people whom we do not wish to interact with. In fact, it doesn’t require us to do anything. Discardia is celebrated by letting go of what doesn’t add value to your life—whether physical object, habit, or emotional baggage—and replacing it with what makes your world truer to your essential self. The core concept is this: If we continually discard what doesn’t help us, we’ll be left with more of what does—more space, energy, and time to make our lives even better.
The original Discardia had a rather complicated system to determine its date, occurred four times a year, and each lasted for over a week. We decided to discard all of that.
- 15 Dsc — Festival of Smoke and Mirrors Day
A day of illusions.
- 18 Dsc — April Fool’s Day
The day is marked by the commission of hoaxes and other practical jokes, or sending someone on a fool’s errand, the aim of which is to embarrass the stupid. After careful research, the origins of this holyday have been determined to be a hoax.
- 20 Dsc — World Party Day
A synchronized global mass celebration of a better world and the active creation of desirable reality, under the premise that human awareness participates in the creation of reality.
- 31 Dsc — Teen Lit. Day
Support Teen Literature Day is for raising awareness among the general public that young adult literature is a vibrant, growing genre with much to offer today’s teens. For more information, see Support Teen Literature Day.
It’s a holyday devoted to literacy that also gives us an excuse for cosplay. What’s not to love?
- 37 Dsc, 20 Bcy — 420 Day
Don’t Bogart the smoke art.
- 39 Dsc — Earth Day
Inspiring awareness and appreciation for the Earth’s natural environment.
“You got pollution in my environment.”
“No, you got environment in my pollution!”
- 41 Dsc — Take Our Daughters to Work Day (TODtW)
Take Our Daughters to Work Day was originally on the fourth Thursday of April. Since we have neither Thursdays nor Aprils, this will remain at 41 Discord.
Take Our Daughters to Work Day was introduced in 1993 by Gloria Steinem and the Ms. Foundation for Women. It was to promote the idea that girls can be and do whatever they want. They were explicitly welcomed into the workplace and told that when they grow up, they can do this too. They can have this job, earn this money, enjoy this success.
Boys already know that. From their baby clothes on, they’re told they are on the path to being a baseball player or an astronaut or whatever the hell they want. They’re boys. No little brat on the playground is ever going to tell them they can’t be a doctor or a fire fighter or a soldier because of their sex. Especially if they’re white and middle class and American-born.
When only daughters are taken to to work, the message that they are explicitly valued and welcome in the workplace is clear. When children are taken to work, that message is lost to just another generic “Reach for the stars, kids!” message that clearly does young girls no favors, and reinforces the entitlement of young boys.
I do see the value in taking all children to work. And I think one change that should be made is de-emphasizing children following their parents to work, because some parents don’t work or have jobs that can’t accomodate the program. My mother was out of work in 1993, but she was awesome so she arranged for me to spend the day with a reporter from the Philadelphia Inquirer. At the time, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a fast-talking nosy reporter along the lines of Hildy from His Girl Friday. Seeing the inside of a news room was a magical experience for me. I think giving that to all children to reinforce their ambitions and dreams is a lovely goal.
But: not at the expense of Take Our Daughters to Work Day. Because in other years, when I followed my mom to work at her job that was not even remotely in my dreams, I still got something out of the program that just doesn’t happen when the boys come too. I got to see other young girls on the train with their parents, excited for a special day in the big city. I got to hear adults take the time to tell girls what they can do with their lives, praise them for their talents and interests instead of how pretty they look that day.
My wish is to see Take Our Daughters to Work Day brought back in its true form. But as an adjunct, to share the joy and to shut up the “Won’t somebody think of the BOYS!” critics, let’s have When I Grow Up Day. Where we take all children (not just the daughters and sons of workers) to a job they’re interested in.
Because yes, all kids deserve to be shown the working world. But Take Our Daughters to Work Day is about more than that. It tells girls “we value you, we welcome you, we’re waiting for you.” When it’s just a day for all kids, the day becomes just another message of, “You can come too, even though you are a girl.”
Not to be confused with Take Our Children to Work Day, which is the “What about the menz?” version.
- 47 Dsc — Walpurgis Night
Fire and dancing. Fun!
- 48 Dsc — Halfoween
Just like Halloween, but half-way in between.
- 58 Dsc — Twilight Zone Day
There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to humanity. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and on the fifty-eighth of Discord, plan on confronting the pit of your fears and the summit of your knowledge. Today is the day to celebrate the dimension of imagination, known as the Twilight Zone.
- 71 Dsc — Scavenger Hunt Day
A day for us to enjoy the fun of a scavenger hunt. Hide some extraneous items around the office and then send out an email with a prize for the first person to find them all. Or, set up an online scavenger hunt for people to track down items that can be found on the Internet. Of course this is also the perfect day to set up scavenger hunt for your kids and have a blast watching them run amok tracking down the hidden treasures.
Celebrated on the birthday of the inventor of the scavenger hunt, Elsa Maxwell (1883 CE).
- 72 Dsc — Towel Day
A tribute by fans of the late author Douglas Adams, who attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naïve incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
- 17 Cfn — Loving Day
Loving Day celebrates the anniversary of the 1967 United States Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia which struck down all anti-miscegenation laws remaining in sixteen U.S. states.
- 21 Cfn — Bloomsday
An annual holiday celebrating the life of James Joyce. It occurs on the day on which Ulysses is set. Celebrations include pub crawls, readings, music, dramatisations, and cosplay.
- 28 Cfn — Pink Day
Because pink isn’t a real color.
The light spectrum consists of a range of wavelengths of electromagnetic radiation. Red light has the longest wavelength; violet the shortest. The colours in between have wavelengths between those of red and violet light.
When our eyes see colours, they are actually detecting the different wavelengths of the light hitting the retina. Colours are distinguished by their wavelengths, and the brain processes this information and produces a visual display that we experience as colour.
This means that colours only really exist within the brain — light is indeed travelling from objects to our eyes, and each object may well be transmitting/reflecting a different set of wavelengths of light; but what essentially defines a “colour” as opposed to a “wavelength” is created within the brain.
If the eye receives light of more than one wavelength, the colour generated in the brain is formed from the sum of the input responses on the retina. For example, if red light and green light enter the eye at the same time, the resulting colour produced in the brain is yellow, the colour halfway between red and green in the spectrum.
So what does the brain do when our eyes detect wavelengths from both ends of the light spectrum at once (i.e. red and violet light)? Generally speaking, it has two options for interpreting the input data:
- Sum the input responses to produce a colour halfway between red and violet in the spectrum (which would in this case produce green — not a very representative colour of a red and violet mix)
- Invent a new colour halfway between red and violet
Magenta is the evidence that the brain takes option “b” — it has apparently constructed a colour to bridge the gap between red and violet, because such a colour does not exist in the light spectrum. Magenta has no wavelength attributed to it, unlike all the other spectrum colours.
- 30 Cfn — Zoog Day
This one may seem out of place, as it was originally intended to create a balance in the world of commercially endorsed holidays. However, its following is small enough that it still qualifies as an alternative holiday.
Many years ago, it was determined that there are several holidays distributed throughout the year that revolve around candy and greetings cards, but that all of the popular gift-giving holidays were concentrated in Winter. To create a balance, Zoog Day takes place 6 months away from the popular Christmas holiday. Decorations are slanted towards purple and orange, and celebrants are encouraged to procure and decorate a Zoog Tree. Zoog trees are spiny, purple, and perfectly cylindrical. Zoog the All-Nifty is said to fly around that night on the back of his magical griffin, teleporting presents into people’s kitchens.
Though it is only a coincidence that Zoog’s name is shared by a race of beings from the Dreamlands, Lovecraft enthusiasts are nevertheless encouraged to celebrate this day by releasing swarms of zoogs into the waking world, and watching with delight as people discover that these cute, fuzzy creatures are carnivorous, and perfectly willing to eat people.
- 37 Cfn — Midyear
An often-depressing calendrical event rarely celebrated.
- 38 Cfn — Civil Disobedience Day
Unjust laws must be broken.
- 39 Cfn — Higgs Boson Day
On this day in 2012, CERN announced the discovery of the Higgs Boson, the elusive little fella who is responsible for giving everything around us mass.
To celebrate, attend large parties where you consume a lot of food in an attempt to gain mass.
- 45 Cfn — Silence Day
In honor of Meher Baba, we believe in reminding religious people to be quiet.
Man’s inability to live God’s words makes the Avatar’s teaching a mockery. Instead of practicing the compassion he taught, man has waged wars in his name. Instead of living the humility, purity, and truth of his words, man has given way to hatred, greed, and violence. Because man has been deaf to the principles and precepts laid down by God in the past, in this present Avataric form, I observe silence.
Of course, no one listened to Meher Baba.
- 49 Cfn — Pandemonium Day
Pandemonium Day is a day of sheer bedlam and utter chaos, when everything is happening at the same time. Embrace it!
- 52 Cfn — Yellow Pig Day
A humorous celebration created and observed by mathematicians at Hampshire College in Amherst, Massachusetts. Yellow Pig Day was started by Michael Spivak and David C. Kelly who were listing the interesting properties of the number 17 and somehow a seventeen-eyelashed yellow pig was born.
The day is typically marked by exchanging gifts relating to yellow pigs, mathematics, the number 17, singing yellow pig songs, and playing Ultimate.
- 54 Cfn — Flitch Day
A 15th century relic, a “flitch” referred to an amount of bacon offered by local monks to married couples who could prove a year’s worth of marital bliss to a jury of their single peers.
- 57 Cfn — Doonerism Spay
The birthday of Reverend William Archibald Spooner in 1844 London also marks the celebration of the famous slip of the tongue named after him. A spoonerism was originally the accidental switch of consonants or vowels, but has also since become a popular wordplay game.
- 67 Cfn — Friendship Day
Celebrating friendship. (In other calendars, this is celebrated on the first Sunday of August. Since we have neither Sundays nor Augusts, this will remain at 67 Confusion.)
- 1 Bcy — Cat Day
A day for the recognition and veneration of our oldest and most beloved pet. Jokes concerning humans being their pets have been forbidden by the Human Council of Certified Humans.
- 26 Bcy — Labor Day
Typically celebrated on the first Monday in September. Since we have neither Mondays nor Septembers, this holyday is fixed at 26 Bureaucracy.
In honor of the worker drones that bring life to The System.
- 32 Bcy — International Literacy Day
The aim is to highlight the importance of literacy to individuals, communities, and societies. Remember when spelling was a thing?
- 43 Bcy — International Talk Like A Pirate Day (Pirate Day)
This holyday, and its observance, springs from a romanticized view of the Golden Age of Piracy with a Disneyfied accent. Arrgh.
- 45 Bcy — Day of Peace
Dedicated to peace, or specifically the absence of war, such as might be occasioned by a temporary ceasefire in a combat zone.
- 52 Bcy — Ask a Stupid Question Day
What is this holyday for, anyway?
- 54 Bcy — Blasphemy Day International
Blasphemy Day International is a holiday in which individuals and groups are encouraged to openly express their criticism of, or even disdain for, religion.
We’re not seeking to offend, but if in the course of dialogue and debate, people become offended, that’s not an issue for us. There is no human right not to be offended.
—Justin Trottier, Executive Director of the Centre for Inquiry Canada
- 56 Bcy — Farm Animals Day
World Farm Animals Day is dedicated to celebrating, honoring, and memorializing the many cows, pigs, turkeys, chickens, and other animals which die every year to provide humanity with nourishment.
- 61 Bcy — Ada Lovelace Day
Ada Lovelace Day aims to raise the profile of women in science, technology, engineering, and maths by encouraging people around the world to talk about the women whose work they admire.
This Ada Lovelace Day […], share your story about a woman—whether an engineer, a scientist, a technologist or mathematician—who has inspired you to become who you are today. Write a blog post, record a podcast, film a video, draw a comic, or pick any other way to talk about the women who have been guiding lights in your life. Give your heroine the credit she deserves!
- 63 Bcy — Curious Events Day
Hold an event that piques someone’s curiosity or attend an event that’s piquing yours. Metaphorically kill the proverbial cats!
- 65 Bcy — Trachtenday
Michelle Trachtenberg’s birthday.
It’s my calendar and I’ll list whatever holydays I want.
- 3 Afm — National Day of Protest to Stop Police Brutality, Repression, and the Criminalization of a Generation
A day that people around the nation have mobilized every year since 1996 for a National Day of Protest to Stop Police Brutality, Repression, and the Criminalization of a Generation. It is crucial that we bring forward a powerful National Day of Protest in cities and towns across the U.S. to challenge the ongoing violence against the people. Stand with thousands across the country to express our collective outrage, creativity, and resistance in response to the crimes of this system. WEAR BLACK, FIGHT BACK!
Join us if there is already an event in your area. Create one if you are in an area where there is currently no group organizing. For listings of activities in your area, check the Assembly Points page.To start building for an event in your area, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
I have no idea why this isn’t called “Stick a Pig Day.”
- 4 Afm — Young Earth Day (Usshermas)
Our beliefs are often inconsistent with reality. On this day, we celebrate all beliefs as possibly absurd.
James Ussher (1581–1656), Archbishop of Armagh, Primate of All Ireland, and Vice-Chancellor of Trinity College in Dublin established the first day of “creation” as 23 October 4004 BC in the proleptic Julian calendar. We now know this to be incorrect: the universe will not exist until Next Thursday.
—Kansas Board of Preventing Education
1. Correctly converted to Gregorian and then to Discordian as 45 Bureaucracy -2837 YOLD, which is also the Day of Peace, so we celebrate Usshermas on the incorrect date, which is torpidly absurd.
- 7 Afm — Intersex Day
Celebrating the wonderfully chaotic variations on gender, in our species and others.
Intersex Awareness Day is the (inter)national day of grass-roots action to end shame, secrecy and unwanted genital cosmetic surgeries on intersex children.
- 12 Afm — Halloween
Costumes and scary stuff.
- 19 Afm — Marie Curie Day
Marie Curie Day aims to raise the profile of women in science, technology, engineering, and maths by encouraging people around the world to talk about the women whose work they admire. (Despite rumors to the contrary, Marie Curie Day and Ada Lovelace Day are good friends and often get together to discuss the finer details of computational chemistry.)
She was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize, the only woman to win in two fields, and the only person to win in multiple sciences. She was also the first female professor at the University of Paris (La Sorbonne), and in 1995 became the first woman to be entombed on her own merits in the Panthéon in Paris.
- 21 Afm — Chaos Never Dies Day
Recognize the turmoil in everyday life. Disorder is everywhere. Hectic schedules, changes to plans, unexpected tasks and chores. Chaos never dies; its a way of life.
- 32 Afm — Transgender Day of Remembrance
A day to memorialize those who have been killed as a result of transphobia and hatred of gender non-conformance, and to bring attention to the continued violence endured by the transgender community.
- 33 Afm — Hello Day
Say hello to at least ten people. By greeting others, the message is to use communication rather than force to settle conflicts.
- 52 Afm — Human Rights Day
Dead presidents, zombie gods, and greeting card companies have their days; this one is ours.
- 56 Afm — Agnostica (QM Day)
Agnostica is the only truly secular winter celebration. It is a celebration for the scientist in all of us, celebrating not some contrived story written thousands of years ago and translated seventeen times over until the Hebrew word for “rope” gets turned into “camel,” and then inexplicably the whole deal is replaced by consumer-frenzy dictated to us by a fat child-labor mogul in a fur-lined red suit, but rather of ourselves, the perfect self-defining nature of the universe, and of being proud of the human intellect.
Agnostica starts on 56 The Aftermath (“QM Day”) and has a half life of ten days.
- 65 Afm — Festivus
While many of us celebrate Circlemas, there’s also Festivus for the rest of us.
Unadorned aluminum poles. Airing of grievances. Dinner. Feats of strength. Easily explained miracles.
Only slightly more fun than circles.
- 67 Afm — Newtonmas
Isaac Newton’s birthday. A celebration of science, reason, and generosity. Activities range from gift-giving to food-eating. Discussions range from gravity and mass to the social ties that bind us together.
Newton’s birthday was December 25 under the Old Style Julian Calendar used in Protestant England at the time, but was January 4 under the New Style Gregorian Calendar used simultaneously in Catholic Europe. The period between has been proposed for a holiday season called “10 Days of Newtonmas.”
- 68 Afm — Boxing Day
The traditional recorded celebration of Boxing Day has long included giving money and other gifts to those who were needy and in service positions.
- 70 Afm — Card Playing Day
Grab a deck and play.
- 73 Afm — New Year’s Eve
A calendrical event, marked by quiet reflection on the past year, quickly forgotten promises for the next year, intoxication, and counting backwards.
- ?? — Moosemas
An Erisian Sabbat where people can relax, have fun, and “moose out” in congenial company. It is partly a Pagan, adult substitute for Halloween as practiced by children across America. It is partly a mellow party with an odd theme. It is equal parts of play, rest, and healing.
When is Moosemas? Now you have the Godlike power to choose the date of a minor holyday. Ordinary moose sense would suggest that you should not schedule it on or near major holydays such as Yule, Beltane, or Grover Cleveland’s birthday, unless you want to limit participation. For your full-scale, semi-public, mass involvement-type Moosemassi, consider: 1 April, 14 Feb, or early October.
Started in the late 3140’s YOLD (early 1980’s CE).
- ?? — Unknown Whollyday
The day after St. Tib’s Day, but before the day after St. Tib’s Day. Always occurs after St. Tib’s Day, even when there is no St. Tib’s Day.
A Whollyday occurring on ????? aka 30 February.
Holyday of the Unknown Disorder. Patron Saints are The Unknown Homecoming Queen and King and the Unknown Comic. Deity is the Unknown God.
Created by the Unknown DisOrder.
- 47 Chs — Reveday of the Dark Lation
A day to celebrate a revelation of darkness, the death of dead methods, and the dark gritty rebooting of Discordia. On this day, in the year 3176, Tarvoc revealed to the world (or the Sinking Ship) His revelation of Discordian Dark Elves.
[…] We, the Discordians of today, can not be the cute, funny and transparent ELFes of the past. We have become dark elves who wander in the dark places of the world to bring their repressed truths and fundamental fantasies to light again. We walk in the shadows where no one else travels. We also make use of symbolism and ideology of the ruling order where we consider it appropriate. But we use it to show people their repressed and concealed dark shadows. Our will to create shock and confusion and arouse are unbroken. We have only corrected our ideas of how it was reached. By nice speeches stating facts which are already clear to everybody anyway, you reach no one. A leaflet that just whines about existing conditions, the ones about which everybody else already complains, will not be distributed by us! A leaflet, a sticker, a word, however, that tells us that repressed truths and what fundamental ideologies are associated with these conditions, we will carry in all directions with the unbroken, indestructable enthusiasm of those who have no hope.
[…] Eris is not a New Age goddess, no gender-normed post-modern career woman, She is not Gaia or a mother goddess, who would pretend equal validity and diversity while letting any distinction drown in the fog of indifference at the same time. Eris is rather militant, pugnacious, almost stubborn, and insists to the mere sake of insistence on Her positions and ideals, even if no one understands it any more. The other Greek goddesses are no incarnations of various aspects of Her, and to say something like that is bordering on blasphemy. […] To look Her straight in the eye is not a good idea if one values his own physical, mental and emotional health, and when the Discordian does so anyway, he does it so as to find new ways to deal with it. So today, he stands as “vanishing mediator” between the pure, psychotic madness and a late capitalist normality which is less and less distinguishable from madness.
- 56 Dsc — St. Scatterwall’s Day
St. Scatterwall’s Day is spent trying to figure out what St. Scatterwall’s Day is about. Please avoid meta-textual examinations of humanity’s search for meaning.
- 14 Cfn — Tuesday
Somebody on Reddit wasn’t very specific.
Tuesday is apparently celebrated in a manner consistant with Mardi Gras.
- 19 Bcy — Gendermas
Known in the United States as Women’s Equality Day and used to commemorate the passage of the 19th Amendment. Since we recognize International Women’s Day (67 Chaos), we’ll use this one to celebrate the social construction of gender by redefining our gender roles and showing ourselves and others how much we all have in common. (Yes, I’m using this calendar to advance my political agenda. Maybe next year, you’ll recommend some holydays of your own.)
- 40 Bcy — Not Sure
We’re not sure what this holyday is about, or how to celebrate it. Just show up and have a good time, I guess. Show up where? I don’t know, somewhere; does it have to be a place?
- 36 Afm — St. Rory’s Day
In memoriam of an important day for Rory.
- 39 Afm — Network Day
Get up out of your chairs, go to your window, open it, stick you head out, and yell, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore!”
- 71 Afm — Saint Racc’s Day
Inspired by raccoons digging through the trash generated by other holydays, this is a day to shed any earthly ties that are affecting you, honour trash-scavenging animals, and dwell on how you would like to change in the next year.
More information at St. Racc’s Day
- 72 Afm — Packaging Day
A day to accumulate more earthly ties and take advantage of post-holyday sales. It doesn’t have to be a shopping holiday however, and is more centered around treating and indulging yourself, especially concerning things that are a change in your lifestyle, outlook, or aesthetic.
More information at St. Racc’s Day
The Day of Discord has a long tradition of being a Discordian gathering day. Some say that, whenever two or more Discordians gather in Her name, the Day of Discord is there. Others say a bunch of stuff, most of it too childishly obscene to repeat here.
The official dates for this calendar were supposed to be based on International Dadism Month before we realized it had several days that conflict with existing holydays. We then decided, in classic Discordian fashion, to re-roll the dice and pull something else out of the hat. (Actually, we just squeezed them into areas that didn’t have a lot of holydays, which is also classically Discordian but not very fashionable.)
The Days of Discord, their abbreviations, and day of celebration are as follows:
|As Seen on T.V.||Astv.||34 Bcy|
|Choking Hazard||Chz.||46 Bcy|
|All of the Above||Abv.||68 Bcy|
|Other, Please Specify||Ops.||47 Afm|