Tag Archives: eris

Discordian Calendars for 03183 (2017)

Still trying to negotiate its own identity, caught between the paradise of its ideals and the realities of its history still fresh on our tongues, wheezing noisily. Gathered around looking concerned and asking about our stereos, might not be loud enough. Bumped very lightly into a limp and fangless thing: government-subsidized poets, vague nonsense zombies who wrote verses and talked revolution, with an insatiable hunger for news.

About the Holydays

Enjoy!

Discordian Calendars for 03182 (2016)

Get out of that rut and into a good pot hole. Get out of that pot hole and into a good sink hole. Get out of that sink hole and into a good puddle. Get out of that puddle, the waves have teeth.

About the Holydays

Enjoy!

Discordian Calendars for 03181

After the crash, the night mares came. “You’ll never sleep alone,” mother whispered. “Not now, not forever.” Death would soon become fun again.

About the Holydays

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Discordian Calendar 03180

I had a bit of a hard-drive failure this year and have yet to recover fully enough to begin working on new themes. So, instead, I offer some old themes, updated for the new year.

DCal-Default
DCal-Eris1
DCal-Eris2
DCal-Eris3
DCal-Eris4
DCal-Eris5
DCal-Eris6

Also, if someone wants to send me a few hundred dollars for data recovery, I’d appreciate it.

The Gospel According to Joey Rash

Eris laughed. Eris cried. Eris sang the body electric. Eris wiped Her ass with the written and grinned like a ninny at the spoken. Eris went low-carb-high-as-a-kite. Eris bakes NP-hard candy, grills recursive sausage, and snacks on Turing-complete bacon–avacado dip. Eris walked into a bar with a neolithic e-primate, a paleolithic freemason, and a hollow senior citizen. Eris illuminated a hypertext manuscript and hid it in Plato’s cave. Eris founded a for-profit corporate prophet. Eris employs twenty-three thousand gophers. Eris renders saturated cash. Eris’s name takes itself in vain. Eris believes in the Goddess of What but not the Goddess of Who. Eris assembles Her own furniture from the bones of priests and the screws of newlyweds. Eris double-dog dared herself to eat the whole thing.

Eris wrote a wordless gospel and instructed us to ignore it. Eris never wrote anything because She never developed Her illiteracy skills. Eris invented language for the lulz. Eris enjoys the silence, enplays the noise, and enrides the sound waves. Eris lost weight, found height, and returned depth. Eris’s cholesterol brings all the boys to the yard. Eris prescribes statins to post-zenpunk pre-zinesters. Eris televised the revolution. Eris made Episode Seven using a green screen, a blue man group, and a yellow polka-dot bikini. Eris grants no refuge to the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable; they find no sanctuary in Her arms, no superiority, no soothing to their macerated egos; She will set them among their peers.

This one time, at band camp, Eris made an outdated pop-culture reference; this other time, Eris shoved the Earth up Her pussy. Eris deletes Doctor Who torrents. Eris ground his bones to make Her bread. Eris ships Jenny Everywhere with Her OC, Holly Hopdrive. Eris wore Her sunglasses at night. Eris said “what” again. Eris moved zig. Eris helped a blind man in a dark room look for a black cat which imagined a butterfly. Eris divided by Nero, multipled by herself, and subtracted the subterranean. Eris crossed the Moebius Strip to get to the other side. Eris found the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and phrased it as a question. Eris appears hideous and beautiful, and reclaimed ugly because fnord you.

Eris struck down upon them with great meh and furious indifference. Eris invested in the economy. Eris socialized the medicines, privatized the nationalisms, and publicized the conspiracy. Eris voted for a half-methemoglobinemiac half-ginger monocular humanitarian alicorn. Eris never sexually-related to that dress. Eris flies planes into buildings for half-price. Eris lit a darkness in the candle. Eris likes a little coffee with Her lard. Eris never counted a calorie. Eris markets individualism to children. Eris performs one-act plays at the community theatre. Eris told his wife he loved her. Eris coveted Her neighbor’s ass. Eris has no intention to ever give you up or let you down. When She thinks about you, Eris touches Herself.

No philosophy withstood Her.

Cult Clock

Cult Clock face

Cult Clock PDF

Center. Pumpkinhold. No matter how long you wait, Pumpkinhold never comes. (The Great Pumpkin from Peanuts)
1. Voldemhold (The Deathly Hallows from Harry Potter)
2. Nyarlathold (Elder Sign from H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos)
3. Striebhold (Schwa alien from Bill Barker)
4. Carcosahold (The Yellow Sign from Call of Cthulhu, inspired by The King in Yellow)
5. Altenhold (Invisible Pink Unicorn from Usenet)
6. Slackenhold (J.R. “Bob” Dobbs from Book of the SubGenius)
7. Farfalhold (Flying Spaghetti Monster from venganza.org)
8. Wastenhold (Muted Post Horn from The Crying of Lot 49)
9. Abiddenhold (Dudeism logo from Oliver Benjamin, inspired by The Big Lebowski)
10. Rippenhold (Mark of Eyghon from Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
11. Copyhold (Laughing Man from Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex)
12. Fnhold (Five-Fingered Hand of Eris from Principia Discordia)

HOLD: Hour of Our Literary Denomination, or Hour of Our Lady of Distraction.

Discordian Calendars for 03179

Caution: Meego is the nanny state. Magic is outlawed; do not disappear.

About the Holydays

Enjoy!