Tag Archives: eris

Discordian Calendars for 03185 (2019)

The League of Question, the latest album from the The Crypt-Kicker Five. A new old soundtrack for a new old age. Thirteen dead drummers dangling from morbid marionette machinery. Infinite infernal instruments, cackling a cacophonous calypso of cannibalistic cuisine. A private whispering of words never spoken in a language never known. Running blind, screaming deaf, scalding numb, balancing vertigo, nauseating hunger. The bleeding resurrection of rock and roll from the regression to rebellion that refuses to reside in repeats and replays. For the jam session on the road to Mars travelled only by the agreed-upon owners of socially-constructed currencies. Failure by fiat. Frigid by function. Follower by fashion. Filled by futility. Fucked by the future.

A holyday not found on any calendar. A calendar not found on any planet. A planet not found in any universe. A universe not found in any imagination. An imagination not found.

About the Holydays



Discordian Calendars for 03184 (2018)

A fresh sense of urgency. A human chain of left-ward force. This loose affiliation of energized radicals has shown no qualms about using their fists.

Speech is a form of action: when it harms others, it is abuse and oppression.

Ideologies cannot be reasoned with and must be physically resisted. Is it more dangerous to do nothing and tolerate them, or should we confront them? Their existence itself is violent and dangerous, using force or violence to oppose them is not unethical.

The ascendant new is coming into your town with hate. The essence of their message is violence. They don’t care if you’re quiet, you’re peaceful. You need violence to protect nonviolence.

About the Holydays


Discordian Calendars for 03183 (2017)

Still trying to negotiate its own identity, caught between the paradise of its ideals and the realities of its history still fresh on our tongues, wheezing noisily. Gathered around looking concerned and asking about our stereos, might not be loud enough. Bumped very lightly into a limp and fangless thing: government-subsidized poets, vague nonsense zombies who wrote verses and talked revolution, with an insatiable hunger for news.

About the Holydays


Discordian Calendars for 03182 (2016)

Get out of that rut and into a good pot hole. Get out of that pot hole and into a good sink hole. Get out of that sink hole and into a good puddle. Get out of that puddle, the waves have teeth.

About the Holydays


Discordian Calendars for 03181

After the crash, the night mares came. “You’ll never sleep alone,” mother whispered. “Not now, not forever.” Death would soon become fun again.

About the Holydays


Discordian Calendar 03180

I had a bit of a hard-drive failure this year and have yet to recover fully enough to begin working on new themes. So, instead, I offer some old themes, updated for the new year.


Also, if someone wants to send me a few hundred dollars for data recovery, I’d appreciate it.

The Gospel According to Joey Rash

Eris laughed. Eris cried. Eris sang the body electric. Eris wiped Her ass with the written and grinned like a ninny at the spoken. Eris went low-carb-high-as-a-kite. Eris bakes NP-hard candy, grills recursive sausage, and snacks on Turing-complete bacon–avacado dip. Eris walked into a bar with a neolithic e-primate, a paleolithic freemason, and a hollow senior citizen. Eris illuminated a hypertext manuscript and hid it in Plato’s cave. Eris founded a for-profit corporate prophet. Eris employs twenty-three thousand gophers. Eris renders saturated cash. Eris’s name takes itself in vain. Eris believes in the Goddess of What but not the Goddess of Who. Eris assembles Her own furniture from the bones of priests and the screws of newlyweds. Eris double-dog dared herself to eat the whole thing.

Eris wrote a wordless gospel and instructed us to ignore it. Eris never wrote anything because She never developed Her illiteracy skills. Eris invented language for the lulz. Eris enjoys the silence, enplays the noise, and enrides the sound waves. Eris lost weight, found height, and returned depth. Eris’s cholesterol brings all the boys to the yard. Eris prescribes statins to post-zenpunk pre-zinesters. Eris televised the revolution. Eris made Episode Seven using a green screen, a blue man group, and a yellow polka-dot bikini. Eris grants no refuge to the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable; they find no sanctuary in Her arms, no superiority, no soothing to their macerated egos; She will set them among their peers.

This one time, at band camp, Eris made an outdated pop-culture reference; this other time, Eris shoved the Earth up Her pussy. Eris deletes Doctor Who torrents. Eris ground his bones to make Her bread. Eris ships Jenny Everywhere with Her OC, Holly Hopdrive. Eris wore Her sunglasses at night. Eris said “what” again. Eris moved zig. Eris helped a blind man in a dark room look for a black cat which imagined a butterfly. Eris divided by Nero, multipled by herself, and subtracted the subterranean. Eris crossed the Moebius Strip to get to the other side. Eris found the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and phrased it as a question. Eris appears hideous and beautiful, and reclaimed ugly because fnord you.

Eris struck down upon them with great meh and furious indifference. Eris invested in the economy. Eris socialized the medicines, privatized the nationalisms, and publicized the conspiracy. Eris voted for a half-methemoglobinemiac half-ginger monocular humanitarian alicorn. Eris never sexually-related to that dress. Eris flies planes into buildings for half-price. Eris lit a darkness in the candle. Eris likes a little coffee with Her lard. Eris never counted a calorie. Eris markets individualism to children. Eris performs one-act plays at the community theatre. Eris told his wife he loved her. Eris coveted Her neighbor’s ass. Eris has no intention to ever give you up or let you down. When She thinks about you, Eris touches Herself.

No philosophy withstood Her.