Tag Archives: fnord

Oblique Eristicisms

Back in 2013, I had a hard drive failure. While waiting for money to buy a new computer, I started a small list of I’m-not-sure-whats in a small memo pad. I named them Oblique Eristicisms, because I wasn’t aware that “eristicism” was already taken. These all come from various sources, so you may have heard them before. Here they are:

The Wonder Under
furious sleep
criminally perfect
change puppet
the honesty of sinus headaches
laying rootless in the sun
three feat and a disco mouse
I thought that I heard the fax.
Normal could be good.
Doctor of Traffic
dancing on a blue skull
I jump rope in Marijuana Park.
diabolitical sabotagey
bleeding liquid joy
under ten tonnes of place
beyond success and failure, beyond victory and defeat
a touch of rare
love your insomnia
roast in one sitting
useful hard-water haunting
a desire for certainty
and yet we remain ourselves
fear or laziness
A well-armed public is the best implementation of tyranny.
Beliefs don’t have to be real.
Justinian Plague-Aliens?
The difference between culture and fad.
All culture is appropriation.
Yet another failed attempt at masturbation.
mustard, strawberries, and a dirty balloon
Elvis is a point of view.
Long live the new flesh.
Death to Cyberdrome.
the spirituality of citizenship
heterogeneously yoked by violence
a fitness and courtliness too often lacking
concordia discors / discordia concors
dancing in the closet of yesterday
the desire to punish
different forms of inheritance
window sill nine
recycled epoxy concrete
At least ten feet tall. Confidently pink.
the urgency of absorption
astro pirate
Remain with your host.
The greater good does not justify lesser bads.
gluten-free non-alcoholic god
and some were picnicking
from sex and surgery
revolve around your symptoms
escaping directionality
splinters shaped my toes, still I love them constantly
driving a meat-coated skeleton
a vein of lilies
as she dances in the widescreen of her existence
wobbly tasting of pink
the goddess is algebra
a mistaken egg
catalytic cell loss
Bill of Riots
renegade symbologist
Kentucky meat shower
Incoherent fire dissipates all contingency.
a contagion of shrouds
the five Erises
I dance through your dreams like a Carolina heart attack.
ambient meat
salami tactics
the absence of absence
bursts of activity
It’s not a child, it’s an invader. Stand your womb!
All unreasonable children should own razor blades.
An uneven number of buttons.
Red 37
scraps of untrained thought
ham and salt, tooth paint
doe snot

Discordian Mahjong

I came up with this idea a while ago, but I don’t seem to be doing anything with it. Some tiles refer directly to glyphs in the Fnord font.

It’s not the same as regular Mahjong, but neither is the Discordian Tarot.

Element tiles (4 copies of each, total 100):
Suits: Sweet, Prickle, Pungent, Orange, Boom
Ranks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Fnord tiles (4 copies of each, total 40):
Seasons: Chaos, Discord, Confusion, Bureaucracy, Aftermath
Apostles: Malaclypse-1, Van Van Mojo, Sri Syadasti, Hung Mung, Zarathud

Kallisti tiles (1 copy of each, total 10):
Hodges: 1. Eris, 2. Flower, 3. Apple, 4. Saint Gulik, 5. Memetically Active
Podges: 1. Greyface, 2. Eye in the Pyramid, 3. Pentagon, 4. J.R. Dobbs, 5. Psychohazard

Optional tiles (1 copy of each, total 10):
Futhark: 1. Erud, 2. Rah, 3. Ihpo, 4. Sohro, 5. Xaos
Onomotopoeia: 1. Whoosh, 2. Wow, 3. Thud, 4. O, 5. Mmmmm

Discordian Calendar 03180

I had a bit of a hard-drive failure this year and have yet to recover fully enough to begin working on new themes. So, instead, I offer some old themes, updated for the new year.


Also, if someone wants to send me a few hundred dollars for data recovery, I’d appreciate it.

MLP:FiM-Themed 3D Discordian Sacred Chao

For the New Lunar Republic!

Twilight Sparkle

Twilight Sparkle



Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash

Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie

Princess Luna

Princess Luna






When you’re a Discordian, every hat is a pope hat.

When you’re a Discordian, every pope is a hat pope.

When you’re a Discordian, every hat is a pope.

When you’re an Erisian, every pope is a hat.

When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way.

When you’re a Marilyn, every hat is a dope hat.

When you’re a stranger, people are strange.

When you’re a Discordian, every pope is a strange hat’s dope Jet.

The Gospel According to Joey Rash

Eris laughed. Eris cried. Eris sang the body electric. Eris wiped Her ass with the written and grinned like a ninny at the spoken. Eris went low-carb-high-as-a-kite. Eris bakes NP-hard candy, grills recursive sausage, and snacks on Turing-complete bacon–avacado dip. Eris walked into a bar with a neolithic e-primate, a paleolithic freemason, and a hollow senior citizen. Eris illuminated a hypertext manuscript and hid it in Plato’s cave. Eris founded a for-profit corporate prophet. Eris employs twenty-three thousand gophers. Eris renders saturated cash. Eris’s name takes itself in vain. Eris believes in the Goddess of What but not the Goddess of Who. Eris assembles Her own furniture from the bones of priests and the screws of newlyweds. Eris double-dog dared herself to eat the whole thing.

Eris wrote a wordless gospel and instructed us to ignore it. Eris never wrote anything because She never developed Her illiteracy skills. Eris invented language for the lulz. Eris enjoys the silence, enplays the noise, and enrides the sound waves. Eris lost weight, found height, and returned depth. Eris’s cholesterol brings all the boys to the yard. Eris prescribes statins to post-zenpunk pre-zinesters. Eris televised the revolution. Eris made Episode Seven using a green screen, a blue man group, and a yellow polka-dot bikini. Eris grants no refuge to the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable; they find no sanctuary in Her arms, no superiority, no soothing to their macerated egos; She will set them among their peers.

This one time, at band camp, Eris made an outdated pop-culture reference; this other time, Eris shoved the Earth up Her pussy. Eris deletes Doctor Who torrents. Eris ground his bones to make Her bread. Eris ships Jenny Everywhere with Her OC, Holly Hopdrive. Eris wore Her sunglasses at night. Eris said “what” again. Eris moved zig. Eris helped a blind man in a dark room look for a black cat which imagined a butterfly. Eris divided by Nero, multipled by herself, and subtracted the subterranean. Eris crossed the Moebius Strip to get to the other side. Eris found the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and phrased it as a question. Eris appears hideous and beautiful, and reclaimed ugly because fnord you.

Eris struck down upon them with great meh and furious indifference. Eris invested in the economy. Eris socialized the medicines, privatized the nationalisms, and publicized the conspiracy. Eris voted for a half-methemoglobinemiac half-ginger monocular humanitarian alicorn. Eris never sexually-related to that dress. Eris flies planes into buildings for half-price. Eris lit a darkness in the candle. Eris likes a little coffee with Her lard. Eris never counted a calorie. Eris markets individualism to children. Eris performs one-act plays at the community theatre. Eris told his wife he loved her. Eris coveted Her neighbor’s ass. Eris has no intention to ever give you up or let you down. When She thinks about you, Eris touches Herself.

No philosophy withstood Her.

Cult Clock

Cult Clock face

Cult Clock PDF

Center. Pumpkinhold. No matter how long you wait, Pumpkinhold never comes. (The Great Pumpkin from Peanuts)
1. Voldemhold (The Deathly Hallows from Harry Potter)
2. Nyarlathold (Elder Sign from H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos)
3. Striebhold (Schwa alien from Bill Barker)
4. Carcosahold (The Yellow Sign from Call of Cthulhu, inspired by The King in Yellow)
5. Altenhold (Invisible Pink Unicorn from Usenet)
6. Slackenhold (J.R. “Bob” Dobbs from Book of the SubGenius)
7. Farfalhold (Flying Spaghetti Monster from venganza.org)
8. Wastenhold (Muted Post Horn from The Crying of Lot 49)
9. Abiddenhold (Dudeism logo from Oliver Benjamin, inspired by The Big Lebowski)
10. Rippenhold (Mark of Eyghon from Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
11. Copyhold (Laughing Man from Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex)
12. Fnhold (Five-Fingered Hand of Eris from Principia Discordia)

HOLD: Hour of Our Literary Denomination, or Hour of Our Lady of Distraction.